i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
