btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
