GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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