biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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