Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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