Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
