My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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