I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
