I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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