Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
