Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Two words: nipple clamps
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