well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
