i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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