That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
