OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
