I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
