We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
