She's JV to your varsity
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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