guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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