OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
being pregnant is like rehab
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
