I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
