I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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