Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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