Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
