you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
