I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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