I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently you make a good broom.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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