Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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