Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
