I have demons in me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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