we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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