She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
