i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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