lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
