he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
