Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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