Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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