The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
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Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize