it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
