Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
