Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
well you can't waste a boner
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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