this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
