PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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