Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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