you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
