a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
