Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
