she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize