Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
