One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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