So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im holly from the hills drunk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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