remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
