i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
