My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
