i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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