I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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