is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
