Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
