so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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