If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
