sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
