So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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