I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
